That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
