He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
