He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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