....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
