i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
