i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
me + whiskey = a bad person
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
