census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize