That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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