his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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