i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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