You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
