the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
