never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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