My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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