I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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