haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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