I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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