you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
