I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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