I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
