i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
