We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
