We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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