I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
