I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
