How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
