It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
