her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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