He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
