All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize
