I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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