420 ftw
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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