all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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