Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
