There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
