he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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