true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
