I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
