I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
