she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
