So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's the barista slut.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
