You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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