That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
