Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize