the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
