just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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