She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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