You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
