i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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