Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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