its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
