Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
