i don't like sucking hair
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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