I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
