So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
