I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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