i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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