Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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