i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
