This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize