When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
