Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
they need to just BURY HIM!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize