We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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