where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
