Four minutes until I can fart!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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