We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
