Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
