I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there's paper in my vomit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
