the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
