i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
