I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
