Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize