well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
