yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
